Tuesday, January 11, 2011


I am on the brink of insanity at the moment and I don't know how to pull myself out. I have these moments so often and I don't know how to stop them. I say things and do things that that are outrageous and sometimes mean and then when it is all over with I feel like a stupid idiot. I just text his girlfriend, whore whatever she is. A whore is a woman who knows that a man is with someone but still messes with him anyways right? She said that she didn't know but that is such bull. I found her number in his phone and called her and told her myself and she lied to me and said she was inquiring about an apartment he had for rent. Then she left a message on his voicemail a short time later and I called her again and she said that she is gay and all they do is drink together and chill. All a bunch of bull crap. Then when I spoke with her more recently she will still to this day say that she didn't know that he had a woman until she had already fallen in love with him. The first time we spoke they had just met so unless it was love at first sight then she is full of crap. After all of that I put him out and she of course let him move in with her. Mind you she doesn't know this man from a hole in the wall and has him around her 3 children stupid is what you call it. She is so in love, she barely knows him. It's been what 4 months, he has already lied to her about so many different things who can count anymore but this is the man you are so in love with. Bitch please give me a break. This is the first man you could find that could fuck good and would move into your house with your 3 kids cause where else was he gonna go. His family don't live up here and he doesn't want to be far away from his children. Okay so back to me texting her. I text her and told her that I hope she is ready for my 2 year old and 1 year old to come and stay with them for a while because that is what is coming soon. He already knew that if we broke up he would be taking them to live with him. Now can I go through with this who knows probably not. It's not that I don't think that they would safe. That is without a doubt not an issue. He would never let anyone harm them he is the best father I have ever seen. Can I be away from them and only see them every few days that is the ? He has been thrown out alot in the past but he never stayed this long. He always asked me to come home and I let him. Now his ass is stuck up her butt and mentioned coming home once but it never happened. Why should they get to live all happy and shit while I am pregnant and raising his two babies? He knew when we met that I didn't want more children because I didn't want to be a single parent. But where do I sit right now, on the single parent panel. Yes he sees them everyday but I still consider myself a single parent. I know I should be grateful that he's in their lives because I have read some horror stories on the internet but I can't see past my pain. My freekin hormones are raging like a bull from the pregnancy and being bipolar one minute I'm ok the next I want to slap somebody get revenge get even be loved I can not wait until I can get back on some type of medication because this is the worst feeling ever. It is like everything is hitting me at once. Pregnant bam alone wham just seperated from the love of my life smack have to raise all these kids punch he's with someone else kick and all of this being bipolar. Somebody help me before I go over the edge

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