Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Okay so me and bd(stands for babies daddy) have been spending alot of time together. It's a good thing but also   bad. There's a chance that we may not get back together and the more time I spend with him the closer I get. They deeper I am falling in love, and the stupider(is that even a word) I feel for taking this man for granted. Now my chance may be gone and it bothers me that there is not much that I can do about that. Then I feel as if I am obsessing about him and this girl, and the whole situation. I know that this is not healthy but it is hard to block the thoughts that come into my head. To make matters worse I can feel the baby moving now and every time the baby moves it reminds me of the situation. It also reminds me of the fact that I may in fact end up being the mother of five children and single. I mean he is a great father and I don't feel as if he would abandon me, but I mean we won't be together. Oh I wish that I could just shut my brain off for a little while, only if life were that simple. It would be easier if I knew what the future held. It's the limbo, in between period, that is killing me. Such is life.
On another note my son got suspended from school today for refusing to complete his work, yes his school is very strict. Well he was sent home today and then I have to go in for a conference before he can return. This boy is going on 12 years old and is driving me nuts. Everyone says that it is a phase. I know one thing he makes me want to pull my hair out mostly every day. He is my oldest so this is the first time I've raised a pre-teen. I thought teenagers were bad and his grandmother says it gets worse before it gets better. Well thanks for the update. Life is overwhelming at this point, especially because I don't want to take meds and hurt the baby. So my medicine is this blog now and also cleaning. I am trying to find things that will help me get through the tough times because I am so tired of crying. I also don't want to go back into that depression again and be stuck in the bed and a total mess. Well until next time.

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